If I were being honest, I would tell you breastfeeding is not my favorite part of motherhood. In fact, I have told several people that. I was determined to nurse Ladybug, and it was very hard and very painful in the beginning. I would watch the clock, dreading the moment she would wake and need to nurse again, and I cried through each feeding. I reduced my "goal" from six months to one month, and decided if I was still struggling at the one month mark, I would give it up. The Lord was gracious to heal us by one month, and I was able to continue to nurse Ladybug.
I appreciate being able to nurse Ladybug more now than I did at the time. Maybe a painful, rocky beginning colored my view of breastfeeding. Maybe it was the cultural attitudes about breastfeeding that affected how I felt about nursing. Maybe it was all the mixed messages I was receiving about nursing and sleep training and all those conflicting things that new moms hear from doctors, books, well-meaning friends, parents, etc. (Everyone else seems to think they know how you should care for your infant!)
I was pregnant again when Ladybug was eight months old, and I decided to wean so the new little bug could have all the nourishment he needed from me. So we weaned. And Ladybug was such a content li'l bugger, she never looked back.
Stinkbug was a distracted nursling. On off, on off, look around, stress mommy out. It didn't help that during my seven months of breastfeeding Stinkbug, we packed and sold all of our earthly belongings to move overseas. I was on emotional overload and having such a distracted nursing baby was pushing me over the edge. After reaching my six month goal, it just became easier to give him a bottle, and by seven months, we were completely done.
I don't regret either of my first two nursing experiences. My goal was six months for each, and both times I succeeded.
I have grown a lot as a mom since 2007 when I held my first brand new baby and tried to get her to nurse. When Doodlebug was placed in my arms in 2010, I knew what to do.
But more than mechanics, I had come to appreciate breastfeeding as more than just a meal for my baby.
As a stressed out first time mom, the clock ruled my world. I had read some questionable "infant training" materials and I didn't trust myself because the books didn't seem to trust that I would know what to do.
I wanted baby to nurse for X amount of minutes at designated intervals and sleep all night. Period. Those things equaled success in my mind. I felt guilty and anxious if those things weren't happening exactly as the books prescribed.
And then Doodlebug arrived on the Momfessions scene.
I have really enjoyed my nursing relationship with Doodlebug. Doodlebug loves drinking his milk, and I have loved giving it to him. I feel so proud of the fact that I have provided him with milk for the past 364 days.
Today I asked him if he wanted some milkie and he cruised over to me smiling, and pulled at my shirt.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Doodle is our last (planned) biological baby that has caused me to enjoy nursing him so much. Maybe it's being a third-time mom that has made me relax and just nurse him without worry, without anxiety. Whatever it is, I am so thankful for this breastfeeding journey with Doodlebug.
My goal with Doodlebug was a year and tomorrow, I will have made my goal of one year. And I'm pretty proud of it. I feel like it's been a hard and rewarding journey and it has changed me so much-- just like every other aspect of parenting!
2 comments:
Yay! Congrats on making it to your goal! My goal with Lane was a year, and I made it to 14 months. I was blessed to never have any problems or difficulties, aside from the distraction issue. At any rate...it's a big milestone, so congratulations!
I love your journey - and how special of you to share it with us blog readers!
I read this and think how kind God is to grow and teach us about being a mother, even when we aren't sure what to do or who to listen to. He gives us a mother's HEART, which I think is so very important to heed in attaching to our babies.
You know, that is one reason I try to be so very outspoken about my wonderful breastfeeding experience and my love of it. How it connects me to my child. Because I want other mothers to hear something positive about it - especially going past the AAP's minimum one year mark (since there seems to be a lot of negativity to nursing past that in American cirles).
I am proud to hear you achieving your goals with each of your children! Congratulations. Nursing is really a way we give up our bodies for yet another period of time after we've done that carrying the baby for 9 months. But it's worth it!
Thanks for sharing. I think we need to remember to tell young mothers to be cautious about reading too much and thinking that should define their parenting... I agree, there's so much out there that seems to say "This is the way" it gets confusing for a young mom! I feel the same way about parenting/training books!!! :)
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