Adoption Momfession

Our home study is tomorrow and I have bitten all the white off my finger nails.

Anxious (and gross) much?!

It's like I'm fully expecting him to say, "You people do not deserve another precious baby-- you aren't even good parents to the three you have!" 'Cause I know the truth-- this is a tough job, and I'm not a perfect parent. By a long stretch.

Sometimes (more than I would like to admit) I yell at my kids. And I set bad behavior examples for them all the time (being selfish, being proud, gossiping, judging, being jealous...) And I feed them more peanut butter and jelly and hot dogs than any human should consume. And sometimes I let them skip taking a bath (I do make them change their underwear though.) And I don't make them wear matching clothes out of the house. And some days I play on Facebook instead of playing with them. And I let them eat ice cream more than they should because then I can eat ice cream without having to share mine.

I guess my deepest fear is that our social worker will call out my junk and say we aren't worthy of adoption. I know I don't deserve the honor of raising another kid-- heck, I don't deserve the honor of raising the three I have now!

So, here we go. We're jumping into the great deep unknown of home studies and dossiers and international mail. And I don't even have any fingernails to claw my way out.

He Will surely Do It!

A few weeks ago I was tucking my three-year-old son into bed. After brushing my lips against his baby soft forehead and turning toward the door, I heard his sweet voice, “Mommy, when is Baby Sister coming?” My heart skipped a beat at the precious question—there is not a baby in my belly as one might assume from his question. He was asking about Baby Sister who we’ve been talking about for over a year now. Baby Sister won’t have my husband’s eye color or my same skin tone. She won’t be mistaken for a “twin” like our three biological back-to-back, look-alike kids are... Continue reading

*This is an excerpt from a guest post I wrote at Prayer of Hannah.

The Ransom is Paid!

I've had so many thoughts stirring in my head as Easter has approached this year. In light of our earthly adoption process, I've been thinking about my adoption by God.

Let's be honest for a minute-- international adoption is expensive. Like really, really expensive. No agency can tell you up front exactly how much you will pay during an international adoption. If adopting, you sign (many!) forms agreeing to the amount you will pay for each part of the adoption process, and saying you understand that there will be "extra expenses" and they are solely your responsibility. At my bare minimum projections we will spend over $20,000 when it's all said and done and Lovebug is at home with our family.

That's a crazy lot of money. It's a great debt we will gladly pay to ransom our daughter from a life void of hope. Without paying this money, Lovebug would remain in her current state-- family-less-- indefinitely. We have to pay the debt required in order to be able to bring her home and call her ours.

At Easter, we remember a similar ransom that was paid a long time ago. You see, I was lost in sin and utter darkness. I was an enemy of God. I was an orphan in the world- without hope, without love. But Someone came and gave even more than $20,000 as a ransom for me. He gave His life.


As His blood-- His pure, precious blood spilled down over rough wood and pooled at the foot of a Roman cross, my adoption fee was paid in full.

Without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sin. Without payment, there is no adoption into God's family. Without great cost, there is no salvation for the lost. Without the debt being erased, there is no redemption from the old life. Without Jesus, there is no hope for the future.

The mystery of the cross I cannot comprehend
The agonies of Calvary
You the perfect Holy One, crushed Your Son
Who drank the bitter cup reserved for me 

Your blood has washed away my sin
Jesus, thank You
The Father’s wrath completely satisfied
Jesus, thank You
Once Your enemy, now seated at Your table
Jesus, thank You

By Your perfect sacrifice I’ve been brought near
Your enemy You’ve made Your friend
Pouring out the riches of Your glorious grace
Your mercy and Your kindness know no end

(Jesus, Thank You by Pat Sczebel) 

He paid the price to redeem my soul and then He conquered death! He died to bring us life! That is the sobering, awesome, gruesome, blessed hope of Easter. Praise the Lord.

Accepted!

My heart is bursting today... we have been officially accepted by Hopscotch Adoptions as prospective parents! They deemed us acceptable to work with to help us bring Lovebug home! We are beyond thrilled... our eyes are a bit dazed with all the $ signs we are seeing for our agency and our home study next month, but we are trusting our Big, Amazing, All Powerful, Mighty God to provide the way for Lovebug to join her forever family!

Recently I was reading Genesis 22, and was just blown away by Abraham's faith in the Lord's provision. We certainly don't have the money to bring Lovebug home in the bank right now, but sometimes I think God calls us to something bigger than us for bigger, better purposes than we could even imagine. If we could write a check and simply hand it over, somehow we would miss out-- God is able to provide. God is ready to provide, and He is allowing us this chance to trust Him, for our own benefit, our own blessing.

I am hopeful. And amazed. And excited about what will happen next.

We're coming Lovebug...

Adoption Belly

Confession: I have an "adoption belly"...

Is that normal? I'm not sure what's going on, but I have a belly sticking out to go along with the adoption paperwork we're completing. And I've had indigestion and general tiredness too. Is it normal to have pregnancy-like symptoms when you're adopting?!

I guess the culprit might be the lemon bars, the strawberries & cream pie, the strawberry muffins (somebody please make me stop drooling over everything on Pinterest!) but either way I feel like I'm baking/eating/gaining like I'm pregnant!

We sent off our agency application today and we have a home study date on the calendar for April-- oh my goodness this is really happening! 


We're coming, Lovebug...

The Beginning: Part 3

The Beginning: Part 1

The Beginning: Part 2

The next step for us was to seek counsel from godly people in our lives. We asked many people who know us to affirm this call on our family, to speak about any concerns they had/have, and to share godly wisdom and advice they may have about adoption with us.

And we continued to pray.

This season ended up taking six months which we know is simply a glimpse of the rest of the process. The theme of international adoption seems to be: Hurry up and wait!

We reached the six month point of waiting and praying on August 4, 2011, and felt like the Lord was giving us freedom to move ahead into researching specific country programs and adoption agencies, and gathering paperwork for our homestudy. We don't know much more than that right now. It feels like every time one question gets answered about adoption for our family, two more pop up in its place!

I can tell that this adoption process going to stretch me (as a fairly impatient person!) and as much as I dread playing the waiting game, I am confident that the Lord knows our adoption process. He isn't sitting here beside me looking into a dark, foggy future, He sees the end! He sees past the tears that will be shed, the sleepless nights that will be spent, the prayers that will be uttered, the anxiousness that will be experienced, the elation that will be felt, the discouragements that will rise, the Scriptures that will be quoted... He sees Lovebug home. And even special-er in my mommy heart, He sees Lovebug now. (Wherever in the world that is!)

So, of course our story is "to be continued"... but for now, you're mostly caught up. We've barely dipped our toes into the middle of the story... so we wait as anxiously as you to see the next part unfold in God's timing.

The Beginning: Part 2

The Beginning: Part 1

I was ready to adopt, Hubby was ready to adopt. It was time to let our families know.

Living overseas puts us in a weird predicament when breaking news to people we love. Do we call? Skype? Email? Snail Mail? Facebook? Tweet it? Blog it?

We decided to compose a letter letting our families know of our plans...and emailed it out.

February 5, 2011

Mom & Dad,

      We wanted to share some news with you, and to save you from dropping dead from a heart attack on Skype, we thought we’d send you some warning first!

      We are starting the process to adopt a little girl.  Adoption has been on Sheila’s heart for a long time, and yesterday Andrew took a day away to seek the Lord specifically in the area of adoption for our family and we are now ready to proceed (though we are prepared for the process to take 1-2 years).

      Here are some reasons why we are choosing to adopt:

• So we can better understand our own adoption into God’s family.
• To show that our family is undeniably pro-life by rescuing a life that was born and not aborted.
• So that we can give God the glory when He provides the resources needed for the adoption of a little girl.
• To bring a life into our home to share everything with, especially the Gospel of Jesus.  To raise another child to be a lover of God and a disciple of Christ.
• To save a little girl who would otherwise live a life of poverty. To give her a home, a hope, a future, a family.
• To set an example (for God’s glory) to other believers that caring for the orphan and the widow is true, undefiled religion and is necessary for followers of Christ.
• To open up spiritual conversations with unbelievers about why we choose/chose to adopt.

You have loving supported us in everything we have ever done, even when it was hard and costly for you, and for that we are so grateful.  We hope you will be our biggest cheerleaders through the adoption process, and that you will pray for and love our daughter just as you have Ladybug, Stinkbug and Doodlebug.

We love you!  Call us today!

Big news always seems a little more official after you tell someone. And our families are great big news-getters! They have exclaimed and laughed with joy after each pregnancy announcement, and the adoption announcement was no different!

Truly, I don't think there exists parents who more dearly love, support, and encourage their children than ours. They are straight from God and an absolute joy to call Mom and Dad (and Mom and Dad!)

So, now someone else knew. It was time to take the next step.


To be continued...

The Beginning: Part 1

I've always wanted to adopt a child (or children). I distinctly remember telling my parents that I did not want to have biological children, so I hoped they would love the rainbow of children I would add to our family. (For the record, I was probably less than 15 years old when I declared that.) Hubby says he always kinda figured we would adopt in the future, but that always seemed like a ways away.

                                                                              

At the beginning of 2011, the serious talk about adoption began. Doodlebug was here, and he was/is our last (planned) biological baby, so adoption naturally surfaced in conversation. Was this really something we wanted to do? More importantly, was this really something God was calling our family to do? 

There are plenty of things to think and pray through before one makes any kind of serious decision... and the thinking and praying had started for us.

• Though we believe all Christians are called to care for the widow and the orphan, is God calling our family to adopt right now? (There are many facets here: is He calling us to adopt as a way to care for? is He calling us to adopt right now?)
• Lady, Stink and Doodle are pretty close in age, so we knew if we were going to adopt a little girl to complete our family, we didn't want a huge age gap between her and our other children. 
• The adoption process for some places around the world can take 2-5 years! (And man, I thought 40 weeks was a long time to wait for a new member of the family!)
• This is a permanent decision. If we pursue adoption and bring a baby/child home, it's the same as getting pregnant and bringing a baby home- it's forever. 
• Are we spiritually/emotionally/physically ready to enter into a possibly emotional/tumultuous/uncertain/ever-changing adoption process?
• What are the implications for adopting internationally while living abroad? How do we find an agency to work with?

So, Hubby and I spent time talking, thinking, praying, searching, wondering, dreaming, explaining, praying again... and on February 4, 2011, he told me he felt like God was indeed calling our family to adopt a little girl. Our Lovebug.

To be continued...

Something New/Some News

It is with a heart full of joy and anticipation that we announce...

We are expecting a new addition!

The Lord has been working in our hearts for awhile now, and we feel called to begin the process to adopt a little girl into our family. I can't wait to share this journey with you...

We don't know many definite details now about where/when/with whom... we've been in a season of praying, seeking godly counsel, researching options, and waiting on the Lord. Stay turned for news and updates as we journey to bring our daughter, Lovebug, home!

⁴ But when the fullness of time had come, 

God sent forth his Son, born of woman, 

born under the law, ⁵ to redeem those 

who were under the law, so that 

we might receive adoption as sons.

 ⁶ And because you are sons, 

God has sent the Spirit of his Son 

into our hearts, crying, "Abba! Father!"

 ⁷ So you are no longer a slave, 

but a son, and if a son, then an heir 

through God. (Galatians 4)

A Pause

I hopped on the computer because I'm waiting for Hubby to call me from the doctor and let me know what the doctor says about Doodlebug, who is sick for the first time in his short four months, and it is ripping my heart out.  I wanted to write my "mid-week momfessions" post today, but I'll do that tomorrow...

And I should be reading my Bible, but it just seemed easier to mindlessly plow through my Google Reader than Proverbs or Philippians, and then I read this.

And my eyes are stinging because I've felt like such a loser mom lately... impatient, selfish, yelling, not-following-through, demanding, distracted but she said it best:

Maybe I will never sleep past 7:00 in the morning and maybe I will never have time to brush my hair and maybe I will never be able to eat a full meal without getting up anddown a million times. It’s worth it. Maybe it will always take me twice as long to do everything and maybe I will never have a really clean house and maybe my days of staying out late with friends are over. It’s worth it. Anything I have togive up is worth just that one minute when they look at me and call me, “Mom,” when those little hands grab mine and those big eyes look at me as if I hold the keys to the world. It’s worth it.

(from KissesfromKatie)

I'm hoping one day soon I'll get over myself, and remember it's not about me anyway.  Then maybe it won't matter so much if the kids won't let me get in the shower, or if they need their shoes tied a hundred times, or if they knock over a glass of milk on a newly mopped floor.  Maybe then I'll just see all these little things as part of the adventure.

I think I will go read my Bible now...